TexMessage! has connected.

TexMessage!

Hey, gang! Any of you here yet?

TexMessage!

I guess not. I put hand-written notes in everyone's locker, so it shouldn't be long.

TexMessage!

I said that the first one to show up gets the first turn driving my new remote controlled car, so I'm sure they're all running to get here!

Big Tex has connected.

Big Tex

Sup, fuckstick.

TexMessage!

Oh geez. Not you again!

Big Tex

Deal with it, princess.

TexMessage!

But I'm about to meet with a bunch of my friends!

Big Tex

They aren't coming.

TexMessage!

How do you know, Mr. Smarty Pants?

Big Tex

Jeter is finger blasting a reporter. A-Rod is watching. Grandy is reading Aladdin to Cano. Swisher is naked and wrestling a bull. They're not coming.

TexMessage!

They're always getting up to such silly hi-jinks!

TexMessage!

What a great group of guys we have this year!

Big Tex

But I'm here. To fix this bullshit.

TexMessage!

I was going to tell the guys that I'm going to be putting in extra time in the cage every day!

TexMessage!

With enough hard work, I'm sure I can get my average back up near .300 and be a big offensive contributor!

Big Tex

I've seen tomatoes with more masculinity than you.

TexMessage!

Boy, the other half of my personality sure is fiesty!

Big Tex

We've been hitting like shit and this pansy attitude is one hundred percent to blame.

TexMessage!

But I've been so sick!

Big Tex

Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie. I didn't realize that we packed it in every time we got the sniffles. Do you want me to get you some hot tea?

TexMessage!

Oh boy! Would you? That sounds great!

Big Tex

That was a joke you pudgy faced fairy.

TexMessage!

Well, now that you're here, I've been meaning to run something by you.

TexMessage!

I know that you were trolling when you said before the season that you might think about laying down some bunts.

TexMessage!

But with how low our average has gotten, I was thinking about trying it.

Big Tex

Does it suck?

TexMessage!

Does what suck?

Big Tex

Having peaches the size of apple seeds?

TexMessage!

Peaches?

TexMessage!

I don't follow.

Big Tex

I bet you don't. But here's how it's going to go.

Big Tex

We're throwing out the juice press. We're throwing out the khakis and loafers.

Big Tex

And we are going to swing for the fences and hit some fucking dingers.

TexMessage!

Jeez. I don't know if that's such a good idea. I've been worried that I've been becoming too one dimensional at the plate.

Big Tex

I wasn't asking.

Big Tex

Just watch what happens.