You know you're in trouble when the big fella can't pick you up.
What would Mike Francesa do?
That's the question I often ask myself when a Yankees slump pushes me to the brink of madness. I take peace in turning on WFAN and listening to the Sports Pope comfort/berate panic-stricken Yankees fans, many of which sound like they're standing on the mid-span of the Macombs Dam Bridge.
The unintentional comedy alone that comes with each show is like chicken soup for a wounded Yankees fan soul:
"I would nevah see Madonner or Lady Gager."
"We awl know Buhnett isn't good at gettin outs. But man can he make a pie. Maybe he should be a bake-ah."
"Don't tell me how to intahview Georgia Roddy!! GET YOUAH OWN SHOW!"
(all translations via the endlessly-entertaining fake @MikeFrancesaNY Twitter feed)
But even Francesa won't cheer me up today, not when the Yankees gave a performance as weak in spirit as they did against Boston these past three nights.
Give the Red Sox credit, they took advantage of a passive Yankees team that displayed none of the killer instinct required to win games like these.
On a day we learned Joba Chamberlain was likely lost for the season and then some, salvaging the finale of this series seemed even more important than usual. And that's what made CC Sabathia's let down in the seventh inning all the more difficult to swallow.
Sabathia needed to carry this Yankee team to Mariano on Thursday, and he simply could not do it. It was a fitting end to a disastrous three days that leads to a lot of scary questions going forward.
The bullpen is essentially shot, and it's hard to come up with a way to fix it. Phil Hughes supposedly has his fastball back, but to use a well-worn Francesa-ism, converting him from starter back to reliever would be like "robbin' Petah to pay Pawwl."
Seriously, if there's one aspect of the team that needs more help than the bullpen, it's the rotation, especially with the annual Burnett meltdown on the way. Good times!
The one silver lining as the Yankees set to open a four-game series with the reeling Cleveland Indians is that the American League is not very good this season. We have to concede Boston as the best team right now, but who else would you put ahead of the Yankees?
The Rays? The Tigers? The Blue Jays? The Angels?
None of those teams scare me, and we could be heading toward a scenario where a 88-91 win team could earn a postseason spot. This is good news for the Yankees, of course, who we can still realistically circle a win total in that realm with the current roster in place.
We can, right? Please tell me we can. I need to go lie down. "We'll be back aftah dis."
Dan Hanzus is a regular contributor to Pinstripe Alley. He can be reached at email@example.com or on Twitter @danhanzus.