In a surprise move which shocked the entire baseball world, the New York Yankees announced Wednesday that they had reached an agreement with the Seattle Mariners that would bring Felix Hernandez to New York. In exchange, the Mariners requested the Yankees' star benchwarmer Ramiro Pena and a bucket of golf balls.
When asked about the reasoning behind this trade, a spokesman for the Mariners had this to say:
"Well, we decided that what we are doing right now really won't help us at all when it comes to winning games. What we need is better luck. I mean, we send Felix out there every 5 days and he pitches us a gem, but for some reason every ball we hit manages to find a glove! The BABIP gods must be angry with us! When we realized this, we had to ask ourselves what we could do to make this change. Then we realized what we needed: better luck. Look at the Yankees: They always manage a winning season with Ramiro Pena on their bench. They guy doesn't even have to play an out and they still somehow manage to win! Even without him on their 25-man roster, they have the most home runs in the Major League; it must be something about having him in their system. So with him warming our bench, we should be unstoppable!
"But if that doesn't work," he said, looking over at the golf balls, "at least we'll be well-stocked for when we hit the greens in October."